Posts Tagged ‘Family’

I recently read a blog called “Facebook is Making Us Miserable” that talked about the negative aspects of Facebook we sometimes don’t consider. In addition to Facebook being a time-waster (which we all didn’t need someone to tell us that!), it talks about how users’ tendency to post mostly-positive information can create jealousy, comparison and unhealthy competition among friends.

I am guilty of this positive-only posting. When I consider which picture to post on Facebook its usually the most flattering one that I choose. I’m an off-the-chart optimist and can’t stand complaining, so you’ll rarely hear anything negative from me, even if I’m currently struggling with something. I consider Facebook a fun, superficial place to interact with friends so I only occasionally post anything serious. Of course, I don’t think the solution is for us all to post mundane stuff (“just wiped my nose for the 3rd time today!”). Nor do I think it should be a venue to air all of our complaints and annoyances. Yes, Facebook is shallow. Public places are supposed to be shallow and filtered and Facebook is a public place. We don’t talk about our bowel movements with the cashier at Wal-Mart do we? The correct answer, hopefully, is no.

My life is not perfect. I assume everyone knows this but in light of aforementioned blog, I’d like to alleviate any confusion and clear up any misgivings anyone might have due to being my Facebook friend. Here are some things you should know:

We don’t have a ton of money. Tiff and I have all of our needs met but please understand we are a one-income family of five and I’m not a doctor or lawyer. Sometimes we wonder how we’re going to pay for stuff and pretty regularly we go into “lock-down” mode a few days before our next paycheck. We have nice things – a great house, good cars, etc. But many of the nicer things we have were acquired under special circumstances. For instance, the family car we currently drive is something we never could have afforded if our last one hadn’t gotten totaled by a guy with good insurance. God blesses us and takes care of us financially so we’re not going to go around posting about any negative financial situations. But please know that we, like everyone else, live on a tight budget and it can be stressful at times.

Our kids don’t always act right. We love our children and they’re really good kids. We make an effort to discipline them consistently while loving them unconditionally. However, our kids are like all kids and from time to time they have bad attitudes, misbehave and do immature things. When I post a picture of them on Facebook, they are smiling and happy, not angry and throwing things. That smiley, happy picture was posed. What you don’t see in that pic is me threatening them with their very lives if they don’t HURRY UP AND SMILE SO I CAN GET A FREAKIN PICTURE OF THEM WITH THEIR GREAT-GRANDMOTHER!

My marriage requires a lot of work. I love my wife so much it scares me. We do have a great marriage but I gotta say we work really hard at it. We decided years ago that we were going to “live to out-give” each other and that’s not always fun. Its very normal for me to not do something I want to do for the sake of peace in our marriage. I’ve given up possible job changes, don’t watch as much sports as I want to, don’t spend money on certain hobbies, etc. all in order to invest in “us” instead of just “me.” And she does the same – she works really hard to lay her life down for me as well. Sometimes it gets difficult and we have to hash out disagreements and issues that come up. So when you see that pic of us smiling or that gooey sweet post about being each other’s soul mate, realize that I don’t post about the times when we disagree on a money or parenting issue. Neither do I post a pic of me not doing housework cause I’m too self-absorbed to realize she feels overwhelmed. But those things do happen.

I don’t always feel confident. Just like you, I sometimes question the path I’m on. I wonder if I have what it takes to make it in this world and I question if I’m truly doing what God has called me to do. Sometimes I don’t feel fulfilled. Other times I’m confident. Sometimes I hear clearly from God. Other times I don’t. So if something I post on Facebook make you think “Wow, Jamie has is figured out” then please know that I don’t. And I know good and well that I never will. And that’s OK.

In light of all of this, you need to know that I’m not going to change how I post on Facebook. My pictures will be posed and will be as flattering as possible. The quotes from my kids will be cute and funny, not disrespectful and angry. I will post the cool revelation I might get during my prayer time, but I won’t post every time I don’t get anything from God. So in case you’re ever tempted to compare your life to mine or anyone else’s, please know that Facebook does not give you the whole picture and should not be used as a measuring stick as to whether or not you’re doing OK in life!

Happy superficial posting!


Ok, on to the last of kids’ the “isms” posts. Now its time for the list of funny quotes we keep for our youngest son, Isaac. If you haven’t already, check out the lists for my other children, Ethan and Eva. To be honest, this seems a little premature as Isaac just turned 5 and this list is just starting to get good. Maybe as we keep adding stuff, I can post updates.

Here is the current list of “Isaacisms”:

Mommy, look I have big nibbles (while holding Tiff’s bra against his chest)

No, you can’t find it cause its white and we can’t see the color white.

I need some piracy (privacy – while using the bathroom)

Isaac: “I need my blanket to cover up my pirates because my pirates are big.” Tiff: “What made your pirates big?” Isaac: “I had not one, but two cupcakes at school today and cupcakes make my pirates big.” (pirates = privates)

Tiff: “Isaac, this is the day that the Lord has made.” Isaac: “Nope that was yesterday. But I do have Joyce in my heart.”

Drinking Coke gives me nightmares.

(Grabs Tiff face and makes her look at him) Mommy, you’re not Jesus.

Mommy, come! There’s a Hotmergency!

Oh gosh, my heart! (while holding his chest after getting startled)

It was a ask-a-dent. (accident)

Meany meany miney mo, taco potty potty toe

Isaac: Are we real? Jamie: Yes. Isaac: Dang it!

It rained so much today the ground is soaked in wet. (soaking wet)

Who dares disturb my lumber? (slumber)

Tiff: You only have 2 more days of school left til summer! (Isaac reaches his hands down his pants) Tiff: What are you doing? Isaac: I’m squeezing my nuts for joy!

Mommy, pray that the cross will go in my heart. And pray that I will have a piece of blood in my heart. (the peace of God)

(As Tiff gets up to leave after putting an almost-asleep Isaac to bed) Isaac: Mommy, what does the word ‘situation’ mean? Tiff: I don’t know how to explain that word to you right now. Isaac: Come on, for real?  You’re older than fourteen so you HAVE to know.

I am currently posting some of the funny sayings my children have said over the years. My wife and I keep a running list for each child and we frequently revisit them for a good laugh and to add to them. I already posted quotes from my oldest son, Ethan. Now we turn to my middle child – my precious daughter Eva.

Here is the current list of “Eva-isms”:

Look, its Panda! (Pointing to Santa)

Daddy, Mommy washed your wonderbear! (underwear)

(Crying) I can’t see my neck! (Yes, she was genuinely upset to the point of tears that she couldn’t see her neck. We had to get a mirror for her.)

Eva: I want ice cream. Jamie: You have to eat real food first. Eva: I want real ice cream.

(After passing gas) I just breathed out of my bottom. My bottom took a breath.

Jamie: How does Jesus come into your heart? Eva: He goes in through your eyes and slides down the back of your throat.

Eva: Jesus lives up there (in the sky). Tiff: Yeah but if you ask Him, he’ll come live in your heart. Eva: No, my heart is all full with apple juice, milk and water.

My nose is running – I need a tennis shoe (tissue).

Mommy, I have a nut in my hair. (a knot)

I spy something black. (while playing “I spy” in the wal-mart checkout line, pointing at the black lady that was the cashier)

(Singing) ABCDEFG,HIJakin, little bit of pee…

Today was free drugs day at school. (Drug-free day)

“Your love is amazing, tacos and some bacon…”  (Singing the praise song that goes, “Your love is amazing, steady and unchanging.”)

Mommy, Jesus took our sickness so we don’t have to be sick…and He still has it. He’s just got it.  And He died for us too. He’s just sittin’ there dead.

Ow, my balls! (After getting hit in the privates while playing)

I mean, why do we keep growing? Its not like we’re magic or anything.

Mommy, I don’t have much cents. (While counting her money in her piggy bank)

Never trust a man who cuts the grass.

The President of the United States is Brock O’Bottom.


Posted: June 8, 2010 in Family
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When Tiffany and I found out we expecting our first child about 9 months into our marriage, we had no idea what to expect. We were so young – she was 20 and I was 21 – and all we knew was that if the people we saw in Wal-mart could be parents then surely we could do it! Three kids later we have said and heard some crazy stuff. Thankfully, over the years we’ve kept a running list of some of the things each of our children have said that we always wanted to remember. Some of the things we wrote down are inside jokes and wouldn’t make sense to most people, and some are downright inappropriate in a public forum. But I’ve collected the ones I thought people might appreciate and posted them here for you’re enjoyment.

So without further adieu, here are quotes from my oldest son that we affectionately call “Ethanisms”:

Poppy’s had some college! (after my Dad buckled him in his car seat correctly after struggling a bit)

I want some more goldfish. (At Captain D’s)

Mommy, this is my pee pee. Sometimes its little, sometimes its big!

(Bent down yelling at a roly poly) Go faster, bug! Go faster! GO!! *steps on and squashes it in anger* Uh-oh.

(To Tiff while she was pregnant) Mommy, you’re getting so big as the whole world.

(Talking to Tiff’s pregnant tummy) Baby, when are you gonna come out of there? To Tiff: She said Saturday. (And Eva was born on a Saturday!)

My Mom: Ethan, do you like your new sister? Ethan: Yes, but she doesn’t have any legs. (After seeing his sister for the first time wrapped up in her blanket)

Our baby cries too much. We’re going to take her back and get a new one.

Ethan: When I get bigger as a mommy, I’ll change Eva’s diaper. But when you get smaller you can’t do it anymore. Tiff: I’m not getting smaller. Ethan: Yes you are.

Tiff’s mom: Ethan, where’s your other goldfish? Ethan: We took him to the toilet. (After one of his goldfish died.)

(While playing a video game where you collect peaches) Ethan: Mommy, how many peaches do I have? Tiff: 71. Ethan: When I was a child, 71 was my football number.

(Singing) If you’re happy and you know it, spill your drink.

Daddy, I feel like you’re my best friend. Sam [my brother] is my best fighting friend. Mommy, you’re my best girlfriend. Eva, too.

Dear Jesus please sleep on my head so I can be tect. (Trying to pray that the blood Jesus would cover his mind and protect him while he sleeps)

God made the whole world and if you steal his bread he gets really mad.

Jamie: What do you wanna be when you grow up? Ethan: I wanna be a really big dog.

(After looking at a drawing Ethan did a at church) Jamie: Who is that? Ethan: It’s the Happy Ghost. Jamie: Who?! Ethan: You know –  the Father, the Son, and the Happy Ghost.

(After walking outside to play and its raining) Aww, rain! You can’t play with my toys anymore!

(Praying) Dear Jesus please bless the food and I hate to say this but help us eat all night.

(While eating a banana) Mommy, you see this brown part at the bottom? That’s where the banana goes poopoo.

When I watch that video, my mind just goes crazy.

Yes, Eva, that’s Santa Claus but he died a very long time ago.

You know whats funny about me? I don’t like potatoes but I love ketchup. And ketchup is made from potatoes.

Daddy, I wanna do community. You know with crackers. (Talking about taking communion)

(After a coughing fit) Mommy, I know they’ll make me hyper, but I think I need to take my asteroids. (steroids)

Isaac, there are two reasons I love you: 1) because I have to 2) because you’re so snuggly! (talking to Isaac as a newborn)

(After listening to Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen) That made my ears curl.

(After Isaac jumps on his stomach) Ouch, my contestants! (intestines)

Ethan (while eating a cheese stick): Mommy, what is cheese made from?  Tiff: It’s made from milk.  Ethan: So right now I’m eating the pee that comes from the gutters! (udders)

I put my dirty clothes in my hamster.

I’ve been big on the fancy words since like, umm, Monday (said Tuesday after using the word melodramatic)

Daddy, I’m ready for you to put me to sleep. But not like they do to cats and dogs.

a huge blow to the ego

Posted: July 7, 2008 in Family
Tags: , , ,

So we’re checking out at Walmart yesterday and I received one of the worst implied insults a 30-year old man can get…

Of course, I was already not in the best of moods just by the mere fact that I was in Walmart on a Sunday afternoon with three stir-crazy kids instead of at home quietly drooling on my sofa. We had been searching the entire store for items to go in our Operation Christmas Child boxes (our church finally wised up and realized people would do more boxes if we didn’t try to do these during Christmas). I had just finished making my oldest son return a toy he had picked up and started playing with during the course of shopping. When I asked him to return it, he wanted to put it down right where we were. While picking up my youngest son’s flip flops that has just fallen on the floor for the 13th time, I gently explained that electronic quiz toys don’t go in the toilet seat section and if he left it there someone else would have to put it in its right place. He cried. Not because I was harsh or he was sorry, but because he didn’t want to go by himself. My wife was returning from the bathroom with my daughter. Ok, lets get the heck outta here.

You never see these things coming.

I dump the contents of our shoeboxes on the conveyor belt and about halfway through ringing us up, the check-out lady looks at my wife Tiffany and goes, “girl, at first I thought you were his daughter but then I took a second look and I guess not.” You guess not? Gee, thanks for revisiting the question. You wouldn’t want to say anything dumb.

Believe it or not, I had nothing to say. I know I married over my head. As a matter if fact, I’m proud of it. Tiff is only a year and half younger than me and while I’m quite average, she is very much not. And I figured when I was 50 or so I might get a few comments like this from half-blind old ladies. But at age 30? Tiff consoled me and reminded me that I had to consider the source. True. I did consider doing many bad things to her.

In any event, it has become clear to me that I’m going to have to do something about this. Start working out? Start watching what I eat? Throw acid on Tiff’s face? Nah. I’m thinking I just won’t ever go to Walmart again…