an open letter to all of my facebook friends

I recently read a blog called “Facebook is Making Us Miserable” that talked about the negative aspects of Facebook we sometimes don’t consider. In addition to Facebook being a time-waster (which we all didn’t need someone to tell us that!), it talks about how users’ tendency to post mostly-positive information can create jealousy, comparison and unhealthy competition among friends.

I am guilty of this positive-only posting. When I consider which picture to post on Facebook its usually the most flattering one that I choose. I’m an off-the-chart optimist and can’t stand complaining, so you’ll rarely hear anything negative from me, even if I’m currently struggling with something. I consider Facebook a fun, superficial place to interact with friends so I only occasionally post anything serious. Of course, I don’t think the solution is for us all to post mundane stuff (“just wiped my nose for the 3rd time today!”). Nor do I think it should be a venue to air all of our complaints and annoyances. Yes, Facebook is shallow. Public places are supposed to be shallow and filtered and Facebook is a public place. We don’t talk about our bowel movements with the cashier at Wal-Mart do we? The correct answer, hopefully, is no.

My life is not perfect. I assume everyone knows this but in light of aforementioned blog, I’d like to alleviate any confusion and clear up any misgivings anyone might have due to being my Facebook friend. Here are some things you should know:

We don’t have a ton of money. Tiff and I have all of our needs met but please understand we are a one-income family of five and I’m not a doctor or lawyer. Sometimes we wonder how we’re going to pay for stuff and pretty regularly we go into “lock-down” mode a few days before our next paycheck. We have nice things – a great house, good cars, etc. But many of the nicer things we have were acquired under special circumstances. For instance, the family car we currently drive is something we never could have afforded if our last one hadn’t gotten totaled by a guy with good insurance. God blesses us and takes care of us financially so we’re not going to go around posting about any negative financial situations. But please know that we, like everyone else, live on a tight budget and it can be stressful at times.

Our kids don’t always act right. We love our children and they’re really good kids. We make an effort to discipline them consistently while loving them unconditionally. However, our kids are like all kids and from time to time they have bad attitudes, misbehave and do immature things. When I post a picture of them on Facebook, they are smiling and happy, not angry and throwing things. That smiley, happy picture was posed. What you don’t see in that pic is me threatening them with their very lives if they don’t HURRY UP AND SMILE SO I CAN GET A FREAKIN PICTURE OF THEM WITH THEIR GREAT-GRANDMOTHER!

My marriage requires a lot of work. I love my wife so much it scares me. We do have a great marriage but I gotta say we work really hard at it. We decided years ago that we were going to “live to out-give” each other and that’s not always fun. Its very normal for me to not do something I want to do for the sake of peace in our marriage. I’ve given up possible job changes, don’t watch as much sports as I want to, don’t spend money on certain hobbies, etc. all in order to invest in “us” instead of just “me.” And she does the same – she works really hard to lay her life down for me as well. Sometimes it gets difficult and we have to hash out disagreements and issues that come up. So when you see that pic of us smiling or that gooey sweet post about being each other’s soul mate, realize that I don’t post about the times when we disagree on a money or parenting issue. Neither do I post a pic of me not doing housework cause I’m too self-absorbed to realize she feels overwhelmed. But those things do happen.

I don’t always feel confident. Just like you, I sometimes question the path I’m on. I wonder if I have what it takes to make it in this world and I question if I’m truly doing what God has called me to do. Sometimes I don’t feel fulfilled. Other times I’m confident. Sometimes I hear clearly from God. Other times I don’t. So if something I post on Facebook make you think “Wow, Jamie has is figured out” then please know that I don’t. And I know good and well that I never will. And that’s OK.

In light of all of this, you need to know that I’m not going to change how I post on Facebook. My pictures will be posed and will be as flattering as possible. The quotes from my kids will be cute and funny, not disrespectful and angry. I will post the cool revelation I might get during my prayer time, but I won’t post every time I don’t get anything from God. So in case you’re ever tempted to compare your life to mine or anyone else’s, please know that Facebook does not give you the whole picture and should not be used as a measuring stick as to whether or not you’re doing OK in life!

Happy superficial posting!

the curse of the blue solo cup

Wanna have a laugh at my expense?

I told this story to our church congregation some time ago and I still get reminded of the “curse of the blue solo cup.” Whenever, you’re feeling down and feel like things can’t get any worse, just remember at least you didn’t drink your child’s pee.

First of all, you need to know something about me – I’ve got this thing about drinking after people. I don’t consider myself a very quirky person but this is a major idiosyncrasy for me. I don’t like drinking after anyone. Not even family. Yeah, I’ll drink after my wife but only if I have to. My youth group at church is always grossing me out with all their drink sharing. On a regular basis, they’ll act like they drank out of my cup just to mess with me. They know I’ll bust them in the head if they do. If they ask for something I’m drinking, I’ll usually just give the rest to them. Its that big a deal to me.

So one day I had a pretty bad headache. I went to the get the ibuprofen in the kitchen and couldn’t find the cup I had been drinking out of that day (I’ll sometimes keep a cup for a few days to cut down on washing dishes). I saw a plastic blue solo cup sitting next to the kitchen sink and knew it wasn’t mine – probably my wife’s or one of the kids. Still couldn’t find my cup. I stared at the blue solo cup. At this point I thought, Ok Jamie, it makes no sense to get a new cup when there is a perfectly good one next the to kitchen sink. Yes a family member probably drank out of it but come on, this is getting stupid. It won’t kill you to drink after a family member. So I put some water in it, took my ibuprofen and put it back. No big deal.

A few hours later Tiffany and I were in the kitchen and she said to me “Oh by the way don’t drink out of the blue cup next to the sink.” What? I looked at her with this deer-in-headlights look. “Why?” I asked. She knew what had happened by the look on my face and began to crack a smile. “Did you really drink out of it?” she said, although by the time the last part of the sentence had left her mouth she was in a full-fledged laugh. I didn’t have to say anything more. She knew I did. “So what was wrong with it?” I asked. No answer – she was still laughing. “Tiff, what was wrong with it?” I said I little bit more agitated. “Ok,” she said “don’t be mad but in the middle of the night last night Ethan evidently had to pee but instead of going to bathroom, he just used the cup next to his bed. I poured it out and put it next to the sink.”

Wow. And I was freaked out that I might come in contact with some saliva. Then the stupidity of this whole thing began to hit me. “Tiff,” I asked, “why in the world would you leave Ethan’s pee cup next to the kitchen sink instead of throwing it out? And why in the world would you not at least rinse it out?!”

She had no answer. Only tears of laughter.

So I learned a few things from this experience:

1. Trust your quirks. They are there for a reason.
2. Part of the beauty of parenthood is its ability to humble us.
3. Don’t drink out of unlabeled blue solo cups sitting next to your sink.

Want a bible verse to tie this all together? Try Job 3:25 – “For the thing I greatly feared has come upon me, And what I dreaded has happened to me.” Ok, so it wasn’t on the same level as Job’s sufferings.

But you gotta admit, it was pretty gross.

great minds think alike?

I always think its funny when people use the phrase “great minds think alike.” You know, two people thought or said the same thing and when they realize it, they laugh and say “hey, great minds think alike.” Now, I realize people aren’t being serious when they say that. But whats so funny to me is that since the vast majority of people don’t have great minds (except you, the reader of this blog!:) ), thinking the same thing as someone else is more likely proof that you’re both average at best. We should really say “idiots think alike!” Wouldn’t a great mind be alone in their thoughts? That’s what makes them great, right?

bored people are boring

Please don’t tell me you’re bored. If you’re so bored, come cut my grass cause I can’t seem to find the time to do it. This generation has access to the most technology, the most entertainment and the easiest communication ever to be available in the history of makind. If you’re bored in this day and age, I have a sneaking suspicion that a) you’re just too lazy to think of something to do or b) you’re so dependent on media and others telling you how to have fun that you’ve lost the ability to be creative for yourself. Bored people are boring.

my stupid keyboard

I’m am currently thinking of ways to destroy my keyboard. You see, about two weeks ago the letter “L” and the semicolon key started sticking together. So now when I type Philippians 4:13 it looks like “Phil;ipians 4L:13.” Every time I hit one of those keys I have to go back and correct it. Not good.

I’ve currentl;y narrowed my destruction options down to the fol;l;owingL:

1) Smash it with a basebal;l; bat in honor of “Office Space”

2) Tie it to the back bumper of my truck and go mud bogging

3) Douse it in gasol;ine and l;ight it on fire.

4) L:eave it in my kids’ pl;ayroom (probabl;y the quickest way I know to destroy something)

5) Feed it to a wood chipper

Pl;ease pray for me as I consider these important options.